How to Write Dynamic Descriptions
Remember Show and Tell? I do. The night before the big day, I'd rifle through all my stuff trying to decide which toy was worthy of such an honor. After vacillating between a Cabbage Patch doll and Kid Sister – ok, so I didn't "vacillate," I played eenie meenie minie mo – I made my choice and barely slept through the anticipation.
At school the next day, I held up my Kid Sister doll and told my friends all about her. Nevermind that they couldn't hear a word I said, their brains too focused on sharing their own treasured toy. I talked louder, smiled and used more than the allotted two minutes to relay our many adventures.
If you're still trying to wrap your head around a Cabbage Patch Kid or Kid Sister –cue the visuals:
In sharing my doll with the class, I could have stood up and said, "This is Kid Sister, she's 8.5 inches tall and has brown hair, and she's wearing turquoise overalls..."
But instead I said, "This is Kid Sister, and you won't believe the amazing adventure we had at the zoo last week! She almost fell in the lion pit!"
So, what does all this have to do with writing?
We’ve all come across the advice to “show, don’t tell” when crafting stories. It sounds good in theory, but how do you ‘show’ on a written page with no visual aids?
When I started writing, I thought the best thing to do was to describe everything about the main character at the beginning of the story, so they wouldn’t be confused.
Yet when I read my own work in comparison to my favorite writers (as we often do), I couldn’t figure out why my descriptions were so bland.
In this 3-part series, I’ll explain what “show, don’t tell” means, and show you 3 ways to apply it to your work to create dynamic, “visual” descriptions for your readers.
What does showing mean?
In writing, to show simply means to use sensory, emotive details to paint a picture.
Telling is writing down a bunch of attributes like a grocery list. Showing is important because it adds fluidity to your writing, and helps the reader better understand how your characters see the world.
Think back to those glory days of taking toys to school! The toys you shared were usually tied to some of your best memories… so of course you didn’t just stand there and recite a description of the doll.
Through sharing your stories, you showed your classmates how the toy made you feel—happy, adventurous, safe. You told stories that brought it to life and made it more than just colorful plastic. The children with the best, most descriptive tales were always able to keep their audience more captive than those who just held the toy up and said, "look at my Legos".
To captivate your readers, you have to do the same!
Through dissecting a countless number of page-turning books that do this well, I finally realized that in order to create heart-tugging, relatable prose, you need to do three things:
Use descriptive words or phrases
Use your senses
Add action
As my clients layer these techniques into their writing, their descriptions and overall writing go from laundry lists of character or setting attributes, to an immersive experience that leaves readers feeling as if they were “in” the story! So let’s tackle these techniques, one by one...
#1: Use descriptive words and phrases
Take a look at the following examples:
Ex. 1:
She woke up in her bedroom. It was raining outside. Above her, the ceiling fan was still on. She closed her eyes, but did not go back to sleep.
Now, let’s adjust the first part of the sentence by adding some descriptive words or phrases:
Ex. 2:
She awoke to the sound of rain, drizzling against her windowpane in a soft, staccato rhythm. Above her, the ceiling fan was still on. She closed her eyes, but did not go back to sleep
Example 1 isn’t terrible. It’s quick and to the point, which can be a valid stylistic choice, but it doesn’t tell you much about the setting or character. It doesn’t put you in the moment the way example #2 does.
To make your descriptions stand out, use words or phrases that really illustrate what’s happening in a sentence or scene. Bonus points if you can do so in a way that’s relatable to readers.
Give them descriptions that do more than just describe what’s happening on the surface. Give them descriptions that reel them in and allow them to “see” your character’s story playing through their mind, as if it were a film!
Ask yourself:
Are there stronger words I can use to describe this person, place, or object?
Are there details I can add that help create a visual representation in the readers’ mind?
Just adding this one step can bring an immediate change to your writing, but if you really engage and hook readers into your story…
#2. Use your senses
One of the easiest ways to breathe life into your descriptions is by tapping into your senses. Day to day, we go through life without always connecting to the things around us.
To use this concept in your writing, you have to deliberately focus on the things that matter to your characters in your story world. What do they see? Hear? Smell? Is there anything around that they can reach out and touch?
Let’s use our previous example, with its adjusted first sentence, as a guide.
She awoke to the sound of rain, drizzling against her windowpane in a soft staccato rhythm. Above her, the ceiling fan was still on. She closed her eyes, but did not go back to sleep.
Adding sensory details that stand out to the character makes your description more realistic, and helps readers step into your character’s shoes, immersing themselves in your story world. Using the bedroom setting from our example, you might observe:
Sound: a fan humming smoothly (if it’s a new fan in a new home), or the clink of the chain against the light fixture (if it’s a rickety fan); a pleasant or irritating alarm clock noise; birds from outside (if morning); general location sounds (crowded city, suburbia, etc)
Smell: freshly washed sheets, lingering perfume/cologne, lingering smoke scent from a blown-out candle; dirty laundry; stale or stuffy air
Touch: soft or rough sheets; the polished wood of the bedside table; a fluffy pillow
Sight: photos, posters, books on nightstand, cell phone charging, pile of laundry, clothes scattered around
Taste: obviously your character can’t “taste” a bedroom, but there might be tastes from the night before still lingering, even after brushing; a scent hanging in the air that leaves a taste on their tongue; something in the room they can and do eat upon waking.
This list isn't exhaustive, but it shows you where to look for description inspiration. Narrowing the setting down to the specific place your character happens to occupy adds specific encounters with the senses.
For this principle, it’s important to remember that a little goes a long way. Your first instinct might be to list everything in the room. Resist that urge and narrow your description’s focus by deciding what’s important about the scene.
First determine:
Which sense is your character most attuned to?
What stands out to your character, based on that sense?
Then ask yourself:
Does what stands out contribute to the reader’s understanding of the character or plot?
Does it reveal something about the character?
Is the character affected by the object/person/setting in some way?
If your answer is yes to at least one of these questions, your detail or sensory observation makes the cut!
Let’s take another look at example one:
She awoke to the sound of rain, drizzling against her windowpane in a soft staccato rhythm. Above her, the ceiling fan was still on. She closed her eyes, but did not go back to sleep.
Now, let’s see it with the addition of sensory details to the second sentence.
She awoke to the sound of rain, drizzling against her windowpane in a soft staccato rhythm. The ceiling fan hummed above her; its stale air ruffling the satin sheets. She closed her eyes, but did not go back to sleep.
Filling your descriptions with descriptive words and sensory details will easily take your writing to the next level, but there’s still another element to build in to really make your writing leap from the page.
#3: Add Action
In a recent consult with an aspiring novelist, I asked what she thought was missing from the current draft of her novel. Can you guess what she said?
In her words, the biggest problem with her story is that it wasn’t compelling... that her writing felt too much like explaining what was happening, rather than being a fully engaging story!
My reaction was a huge smile and a virtual pat on her back because she’d already won half the battle by being able to identify the improvements needed.
While descriptive words and sensory details give you a great foundation for crafting descriptions, sometimes you need a bit more to establish a connection with readers. This is where adding action comes into play.
The addition of action to description works much like adding it to dialogue; it gives more depth to the subject described and makes it easier for readers to visualize the scene. It also gives the reader the chance to understand how a character feels in that particular moment. This can be done by adding actions committed by the character, or the action can be committed against them.
Returning to our previous example, after adding descriptive words and sensory details, we ended up with the following:
She awoke to the sound of rain, drizzling against her windowpane in a soft staccato rhythm. Above her, the ceiling fan whirled and ruffled the satin sheets. She closed her eyes, but did not go back to sleep.
Now, there’s already a bit of action in this description—she closed her eyes—but it could be made better if we knew why, or how she felt. We could also follow it with more action, but again, it must contribute to the character/plot, or move the story forward.
Let’s take a look at our very first example vs the revised one:
Ex. 1
She woke up in her bedroom. It was raining outside. Above her, the ceiling fan was still on. She closed her eyes, but did not go back to sleep.
Ex. 2
She awoke to the sound of rain, drizzling against her windowpane in a soft staccato rhythm. The satin sheets rustled beneath the whir of the ceiling fan. Its low hum combined with the soft pelts of water against glass tempted her to close her eyes and go back to dreamland. But sleeping in was just that: a dream.
Which of the two pulls you in? Which one helps you visualize the scene, and thus makes you want to read on and learn more about the character? Again, the first example isn’t horrible, but the key to writing engaging descriptions is to make them flow naturally, as opposed to just making a list!
Writing descriptions is one of the hardest concepts to master, but knowing the value of including action, sensory details, and descriptive words will give you a solid foundation for a story that engages, impacts, and inspires!
But maybe you’re still wondering how to put it all together. Maybe you understand the concept, but still aren’t sure how to apply it without going overboard. Which brings us to...
BONUS TIP: Use the “Rule of 3”
I was stuck on trying to figure out just how much to include when a friend of mine suggested I try her “Rule of 3”. After you’ve considered the descriptive words to add, and made a (mental) list of sensory details and actions, choose the 3 that best represent what you’re trying to convey in that particular description.
No, you don’t have to have only 3, but giving yourself a set number of details to include really makes you hone in on the most important ones. There may be times when you include one or two more, but in working with clients I’ve found that 3 really can be the magic number! Just remember to vary the details between action, descriptive words, and sensory details.
Finally… is simple telling really all bad? No! Telling can actually be useful, especially in action-heavy scenes where certain details need to be conveyed quickly. The key, as with all things, is having the right balance of both throughout your novel.
Maybe you’ve tried these concepts before, but are still feeling stuck. Working with writers to create magnetic descriptions is one of my favorite parts of the process! If you’d like to know how I can guide and support you in putting these steps into practice, sign up for your free Discovery Call today.